That Old She

I am that Old She

That I feared I’d become

That same Old She

Who can’t say where she’s from

 

I am that Old She

Cast aside like a toy

That same Old She

Who still somehow found joy

 

I am that Old She

Who was so hard to tame

That same Old She

Although with a new name

 

I am that Old She

She’s no longer a youth

That same Old She

Now embracing the truth

 

I am that Old She

For whom love songs were sung

That same Old She

Who does not wish to be young

 

I am that Old She

She whose heart has been split

That same Old She

Who is still mending it

 

I am that Old She

Who has struggled and fought

That same Old She

Who is now what she thought

 

I am that Old She

Who has tempted the fates

That same Old She

For her destiny waits

 

I am that Old She

With her excellent goals

That same Old She

She for whom the bell tolls

 

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Sweet Affection

All I ever wanted

Was your affection

All I ever really was

Was your reflection

You didn’t seem to know

What you really meant to me

I didn’t seem to know

What I was really sent to be

Your wife, your lover, your friend

Through thick and thin to the very end

To receive in return, your sweet affection

To be in the end, your own reflection

In your arms, under your protection

My hands, my heart, my eternal devotion

Whatever gave me the silly notion

That you too would see, you were meant for me

As I knew I was meant for you

But I didn’t know what to do

I felt like that, more times that a few

Oh, but we tried, in our goofy ways

Really we had some very good days

We had some fun and some full bellied laughter

Things to remember ever after

But I let you down and I know I did

I ran to hide, just ran and hid

Afraid of your anger, quacking in fear

Justifiably so, I’m afraid, my dear

At least in God’s eyes, mercy is shown

And there is the peace I would not have known

You made my life full, you made it rich

You also made me feel like a bitch

But I regret it not for all we’ve been through

‘Cause you were for me and I was for you

But now I can tell, that’s no longer true

Reasons

I just got out of prison, one of my own making

Received adjudication from the beating I’d been taking

Kickin’ my heart around the block

While the clock kept ticking, tickety-tock…

Oh, he won’t remember – all the crap that he said

Dragged me around by the hair on my head

Hurting my feelings left and right

Leaving me cry night after night

That son-of-a-bitch, what he did to me

And now, even now, wouldn’t set me free

But I escaped, and I’d do it again

Ain’t no going back to way back when

What I was to him – an indentured slave

And he was a cad, a handsome knave

Lied to me from both sides of his face

Then after all that, put her in my place

Let her earn her stripes as I’ve earned mine

Let her put up with him crossing the line

The line of decency where you try to do right

With a moral compass at least somewhere in sight

He’s her problem now, for me not to worry

I got out of prison, but I didn’t hurry

Still wanted the love that he couldn’t give

Yet I go on, yet I still live

I have no clue how it will end

No one knows what’s around the bend

I’ve walked the line, walked a hard mile

I’m free now and that’s reason to smile

Pain and Pleasure

Pain and pleasure, the twins of fate

Opposite kinfolk, like love and hate

Back and forth from one to the other

Like one is my sister and one is my brother

Seeking comfort like a warm fuzzy sweater

Like avoiding pain would make it all better

But it isn’t so – we need the strain

Couldn’t know pleasure if we didn’t know pain

Hand in hand, they arrive together

They tickle your heart like an annoying feather

Like under your nose as it makes you sneeze

Feathers that flit on a summer breeze

Pain and pleasure are underscored

I might be confused, but at least I’m not bored

There’s no real adventure without some danger

Pleasure’s my neighbor, but pain is no stranger

If pain would leave, so would pleasure depart

And leave me alone with an empty heart

And that indeed is a horrible state

So I accept them both, the twins of fate

On This Corner

Not another dream

Where I have to let it go

Not another time

Where I question all I know

All those little pictures

That I treasured in my mind

All those stupid problems

All the answers yet to find

Not another scene

Where I’m bound to fall apart

Not another time

Where I must seek another start

Not back again to zero

That naked starting square

Not back to that again

It’s just too much to bear

Where I must dare to test the spirit

To push it to the edge

And between my dreams and me

There is a giant wedge

Not again – I mustn’t

I must fight for where I’ll be

And yet I mustn’t worry

In the end I’ll still be me

There isn’t any reason

I can’t have what I want

A very simple thing

My own little place to haunt

In many dreams I’ve wandered

And carried a lot of stuff

I looked and looked and looked

I couldn’t look enough

I searched across the countryside

And deep within the city

I found a lot of places

And some of them were pretty

But none of them for me

They were all for someone else

So many did I see, I was beside myself

And then at last I found it

The one that fit my dreams

I knew that I had found it

And that it wasn’t what it seems

It looks so ordinary

It’s nothing super grand

It has a good size yard

But it’s not a lot of land

When I finally found it

The place was meant for me

Somehow I just knew that

It’s where I’m supposed to be

I don’t know all the details

Of how it shall come about

But the place will be in my name

And I won’t be moving out.

“Old Grim”

People act different when the Grim Reaper is near

Can’t really be sure for whom he is here

Quietly lurking there by the door

He might just take one, but he could take more

He’s here for someone, that old ugly guy

He stands around patiently; the time is nigh

I saw him standing at the foot of the bed

Of someone who looked already half dead

But that old bastard is a sneaky prick

And you never know just who he might pick

One day he’ll be coming looking for you

There’s no telling exactly when he is due

If he has your ticket, it’s time to ride

Won’t do any good to try and hide

But I did see an old gal once spit in his face

And damn if she didn’t give him a chase

But he had her ticket; it was time to go

He didn’t care who cried “Oh, no!”

“You’re coming with me.” he flatly said

Don’t think you can stall with fear or dread

That is his job, and do it he must

When it’s time to go, it’s done, it’s a bust

The first time I saw him, he looked pretty scary

But the first time I saw him, he didn’t tarry

He took who he came for and left right away

But he came back again the very next day

He wasn’t loud and not even rude

I know this maybe will sound rather crude

But after a while, I got used to him

I’d walk down the hall and there was Old Grim

It’s not that I liked him, but I knew who he was

I knew his role and I knew what he does

I’d see him around just lurking about

And it has to be so, and so I didn’t freak out

But that old bastard carries a stink

And that son-of-bitch gets you to think

Makes people act different when Old Grim is near

Can’t really be sure for whom he is here

Take nothing for granted; that’s what you learn

‘Cause you never know when it might be your turn.

 

Not Going Backwards

How can you say you love me?

You haven’t got a clue

Suggesting I go back

To the life that I once knew

 

Just live a double life

Hide behind a lie

Only for a while

Unless of course I die

 

It tells me you don’t know me

Don’t know what makes me tick

I’d tell you everything

But I can’t tell it all that quick

 

A flashing flood of memories

Washes through my mind

Going back to where I was

Would put me back behind

 

The progress that I’ve made

And what it cost my soul

If you’d have me going backwards

Then just put me in a hole!

 

Would you really want to know?

What’s in a woman’s heart?

Could you understand?

What tears it all apart?

 

Would you really have me go –

Where I cried so many tears?

Would you really think it best –

After all those long hard years?

 

How can you say you love me?

And yet offer me false hope

Trying to put me in a place

Where I know I can not cope

 

I simply can not bear it

To hear this from your lips

If only I could show you

Some of those memory clips

 

Well, thank you for your time

But you’d best be on your way

I’ll get by all right

Tomorrow’s another day…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No Glory

I do what I want when I can

I don’t have time for a man

 

I buy my own way, pay my own rent

Laugh at the wind when my money is spent

 

How will it be when I’m old and gray

Will I still have anything left to say?

 

Anything else I might be missin’?

Someone there who maybe would listen?

 

The water’s rising, but I can swim

I won’t drown in the memory of him

 

I’ve learned a lot and I’m moving on

The days of worry and fear are gone

 

I’m living my life minute by minute

Life is a play on the stage and I’m in it

 

I’ll just be the best that I think I can be

The starring role was written for me

 

I’ll take a bow when the curtain is drawn

Break-a-leg and then I’ll be gone

 

No applause, no lights, no glory

But it doesn’t matter –

I told my story…

 

Mr. So-So

I blew him a kiss

In the back of my mind

I guess he was sweet

I guess he was kind

He toyed with my heart

He teased my spirit

He tried to get close

But he couldn’t get near it

He wasn’t my enemy

He wasn’t my friend

There was no beginning

There was no end

It was what it was

It was nothing at that

So I said goodbye

And went home to my cat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of the Time

I dream big dreams

It’s a hobby of mine

It makes everything better

Makes everything fine

I claim no worry about what will be

Or what has already been

Then I go about my business

Wearing a happy grin

I don’t see “reality”

I may be a fool

But I feel pretty good

It seems to be cool

If it weren’t for the dreams –

They keep me going

I wouldn’t have a seed

That’s even worth sowing

If I hold onto what’s “real”

Can’t stand how I feel

It makes me so mad

And awfully sad

So I dream big dreams

It’s a hobby of mine

It makes everything better

Most of the time